so apparently the michael jackson disease that i am more than likely graced with but have never seen a doctor about is possibly amplified by stress. sweet. thanks, god. hey buddy, why not do me a favor and just kill me now so we can chat about whatever it is i’ve done to deserve what you’ve given me?

i guess i should remove all sources of stress: sell this house, quit my job, stop needing money, or anything else stressful. or at least go to the doctor and get this all lasered up or UVB treated or whatever. i’m sure there’s a pill i can buy.

in similar news, the seal around my antenna on my fine german automobile broke straight off while it was being washed this afternoon. $70 that i didn’t really need anyhow. not to mention the several hours it will take me to take off the headliner just to get to the one bolt that holds this thing on. i don’t even listen to the radio. i’m tempted to say whatever it is hellboy said about the german guy in hellboy 2 (which i watched with the housemates), but i can’t remember the quote. it was a funny movie joke.

and yesterday, i spilled 20 ounces of water on my keyboard and had to buy a new one.

in more different news, i’ve decided i should probably be eating healthier. since i have a penchant for eating garbage all the time (they sell ben and jerry’s ice cream in sizes bigger than pints, you know), i had to find something to basically tell me what to eat every day. turns out that the internet is around for just that sort of thing. and sometimes it’s free even. so, i’ve joined sparkpeople in the hopes that it will teach me how to eat those green things you see in the store. vegetables? is that what they’re called? anyways, here’s how it works: it lets you set some goals and then it tells you how to get to them. there’s a bunch of support forums and what not, but i hate that stuff, so i won’t be using that. i’ll be using the nutrition tracker/planner and exercise trackers. here’s the goals they gave me to achieve my objectives (which i’ll keep to myself, thank you):

cardio exercise 90 minutes a week. (i upped it to 120 a week. what now?)
strength training 3 days a week (i’m not doing this, so i’ll probably fail).
eat 1500-1850 calories, 197-284 grams of carbohydrates, 39-68 grams of fat, 60-153 grams of protein daily

on day 1 i ate 2,041 calories, 292 grams of carbs, 64 grams of fat, and 82 grams of protein. but i skateboarded for 90 minutes, so it wasn’t a total loss.
on day 2 (today) i’m on track for 1776 calories, 258 carbs, 53 fat, and 68 protein. i also walked the long way to the store (about a mile round trip) in less than 20 minutes, so that counts as exercise too.
and that’s probably all you’ll hear about that, because i’m sure you don’t care.

it’s too bad that getting insanely and irrationally angry at every tiny problem in my life (and every large one) doesn’t count as exercise or i wouldn’t need the internet to tell me how to be healthy. maybe i need to become buddhist. but every once in a while on my nightly rambling walks i walk up past the tibetan buddhist temple and spin the little prayer wheels and what i ask for hasn’t happened. yet. maybe i’m doing it wrong. or maybe i don’t deserve what i’m asking for.

i need to examine my ego, it seems. perhaps this is the life i’m meant to live. maybe there’s nothing i can do about all these “horrible” things that i have to deal with. or maybe i’m just dumb and there is no spoon.