Maybe it just takes a little stupidity every once in a while for me to realize my place. I can be crazy or I can hide it all under a carefully constructed persona consisting of normalcy and outward actions that I appear to enjoy a lot. My choices determine who I am. Or perhaps the genetic makeup imprinted on my DNA. It’s still up to scientists.

I love who I am. There, I said it. I don’t care if I’m crapped on all the time, or if my life ends up being me playing World of Warcraft and doubling in size, I try my damnedest (that’s a real word) to be a good person. Nothing is going to change that whether I’m with someone or whether I stay like this, I’ll keep putting others before myself because that is how I think everyone should live their life and that is how I’ll continue to live mine. I lose it every once in a while when I forget that I somehow deserve exactly what I’ve been given in return for everything I’ve sacrificed. That shouldn’t change my path in life, I am still the same person I’ve always been. I chose to be like this and I chose to take the consequences. I need to choose to go back to the Awesome 2009 plan. But more hardcore. No more setbacks. Maybe.

Well, this has been a pretty good rhetorical question.

Successes:

Redoubled my efforts on goal #6. Maybe I should make a makeout playlist. I’d put the Bronze Fawn record on it. And maybe Gustav Holst’s “The Planets.” All instrumentals, for sure. hmmm…

Received my box of organic vegetables, ate a fistful of stuff I never would have eaten otherwise.

Signed up to volunteer at Food Lifeline on February 4th. That just happened to be the next day available. Lucky!

Cleaned out the fridge.

Tempted to fly to San Francisco to see Thorns of Life at Gilman on Jan 31st like everybody else. It would be insane. Maybe see them in Santa Cruz on the 1st as well? Apparently Blake Schwarzenbach did a year at my alma mater. 11 years before I graduated. I’m sure they’ll come to Seattle, right?