I keep walking around and laughing and saying “what a joke” out loud. It’s like a switch has been flipped and all of the sudden I don’t want to care about anything.

I looked up condos and found this really cool old one that I’m thinking of buying so I can move out. I have to see if the mortgage companies will let me borrow enough to be truly free before I sell this prison.

I only got about 4 hours of sleep last night because I kept waking up from dreams, so I might be going crazy.

I was going to get a haircut before my date, but I think I’ll take a nap instead.

I’m looking forward to this date. I have big plans, of course. Big plans and big expectations that no sane person can live up to. I’ll push too hard and everything will be ruined. I don’t care. There’s no reason to hold back anything anymore.

Finally, I’m trying to ignore the fact that I think I’m done with my ghost but I have calmed down a lot and am already starting to recognize old habits coming back. I’m glad I’m leaving town for 8 weeks. It’ll give me some time to stop thinking.

My trips make this date kind of pointless, however. Maybe I’ll accelerate the second date. Maybe nothing will happen at all. Maybe I don’t care either way.